live-life-animated: myotpisgay: myotpisgay: oregaymi: do not put minty gum on your nipple!!!! i repeat do noT PUT MINTY GUM ON YOUR NIPPLe  why not? i want to try it DO NOT PUT MINTY GUM ON YOUR NIPPLE UNLESS YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE SATAN LICKING YOUR NIPPLE THEN A DRAGON BREATHING FIRE ON IT I want to know what possessed you to put minty gum on your nipple in the first place. (via bleedingmagic)

live-life-animated:

myotpisgay:

myotpisgay:

oregaymi:

do not put minty gum on your nipple!!!! i repeat do noT PUT MINTY GUM ON YOUR NIPPLe 

why not? i want to try it

DO NOT PUT MINTY GUM ON YOUR NIPPLE UNLESS YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE SATAN LICKING YOUR NIPPLE THEN A DRAGON BREATHING FIRE ON IT

I want to know what possessed you to put minty gum on your nipple in the first place.

(via bleedingmagic)

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woundsof-regret: arandomwhitedude: i feel like if a girl touches your dick you should be nice to her and make her laugh and do cool things for her besides rub her clit. like hey lets go to the aquarium cuz thanks for puttin my balls in your mouth This is important. (Source: adampacmanjones, via bleedingmagic)

woundsof-regret:

arandomwhitedude:

i feel like if a girl touches your dick you should be nice to her and make her laugh and do cool things for her besides rub her clit. like hey lets go to the aquarium cuz thanks for puttin my balls in your mouth

This is important.

(Source: adampacmanjones, via bleedingmagic)

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infinite-songbird: how the fuck do some girls get boyfriends so easily like wtf do you just create them in your basement or what (Source: ocean-dvst, via bleedingmagic)

infinite-songbird:

how the fuck do some girls get boyfriends so easily like wtf do you just create them in your basement or what

image

(Source: ocean-dvst, via bleedingmagic)

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lincolnsensei: danaorherdouble: petscribbler: What if Daft Punk never breaks up or dies they just hand off their helmets to really amazing musicians that continue making music for them and they just become these immortal beings that no one is really sure who they are anymore they’re just always there the Dread Pirate Daft Punk God I hope this is a thing that happens. (Source: bannannibal, via what-is-this-fruitsnackery)

lincolnsensei:

danaorherdouble:

petscribbler:

What if Daft Punk never breaks up or dies they just hand off their helmets to really amazing musicians that continue making music for them and they just become these immortal beings that no one is really sure who they are anymore they’re just always there

the Dread Pirate Daft Punk

God I hope this is a thing that happens.

(Source: bannannibal, via what-is-this-fruitsnackery)

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iphone420: Math jokes aren’t funny nothing about math is funny math is a sin (Source: sidnugget, via what-is-this-fruitsnackery)

iphone420:

Math jokes aren’t funny nothing about math is funny math is a sin

(Source: sidnugget, via what-is-this-fruitsnackery)

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officialdeadparrot: happyllamacrazyllama: spacecamps: do all american high school parties actually have those red plastic cups or is this a lie created by the movies This has had like 65,000 notes and NO-ONE has answered #because no one on tumblr has been to a party (via ddxdme)

officialdeadparrot:

happyllamacrazyllama:

spacecamps:

do all american high school parties actually have those red plastic cups or is this a lie created by the movies

This has had like 65,000 notes and NO-ONE has answered

#because no one on tumblr has been to a party

(via ddxdme)

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captaiinmarvel: when girls press their whole body against you when they hug, it means they like you a lot. also, they’re measuring your body to determine how long it will take them to eat your flesh, a technique shared by boa constrictors (Source: faithlehaane, via bleedingmagic)

captaiinmarvel:

when girls press their whole body against you when they hug, it means they like you a lot. also, they’re measuring your body to determine how long it will take them to eat your flesh, a technique shared by boa constrictors

(Source: faithlehaane, via bleedingmagic)

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vociferousvic:

bloodberryandblazers:

How Domino’s Pizza Tracker Saved A Life
This is a story of why dating bipolar girls is not a good idea and how the Domino’s Pizza tracker saved my life
I have always been on the fence when it comes to Pizza Hut Vs. Dominos. I don’t eat enough pizza from either to really have a concrete answer of which one makes a better pie. I can tell you one solid truth… As my last relationship ended and the lies, scandals and deceptions came out, after all was said and done, my psycho ex girlfriend did teach me one VERY important thing:
ALWAYS choose Domino’s over pizza hut.
I had been having trouble with my now EX-girlfriend for quite awhile, I won’t go into details, but let’s just say she went crazy. I thought, simple: I’ll just break it off.
Wrong.
One Friday night, around 8:00pm, after a long week of work and incessant phone calls/psychotic voicemails from the unbalanced EX, I decided I was going to stay in, which one any weekend night is abnormal for me. Usually on weekend nights that I am in, I usually am cool with a movie, a 6 pack and a pizza. I had been ordering from Pizza Hut the last few times, but after a constant bombardment with Domino’s “WE’VE CHANGED OUR SHIT, I SWEAR WE’RE AWESOME NOW” ad campaign, I decided to give it a shot.
Around 8pm, I went online to order my pizza. I built a modest 2 topping medium pizza, and placed my order. You have to love how far we have come in the delivery pizza world.
Immediately afterwards, I was introduced to the piece of a software that would save my neck.
The Pizza Tracker.
Pizza tracker? Fuck yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don’t know what the pizza tracker is, then get your ass online right now and order a pizza from Domino’s. It’s the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza.

This is where the night got interesting.
I am on my couch, one eye on “Parks and Rec” the other on the pizza tracker displayed on my lap top that joined me on the couch.
We had just entered stage 2: Prep.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
For a split second I thought, “woh that was fast,” I put my order in 10 minutes ago and pizza tracker says it’s still in stage 2.
By the end of my thought, the door swung open.
Guess who.
Yep, it was my psychotic EX. Knife in hand, she starts threatening to do some pretty awful things. I try to stand up, she freaks. I stay on the couch and attempt to calm her down. She goes into a hysterical rant about us getting back together, ya right, and I glance at the pizza tracker.
Stage 3. Bake (Juan is putting your order in the oven)
She goes on while all I can think is GO JUAN GO!!!! GET THAT SHIT IN THE OVEN!
I try to calm her down, I stand up and she freaks out and tells me “SIT THE FUCK DOWN!!”
She continues on her violet outburst and I tell her we can work things out hoping to get her to calm down. It’s no use.
I decide I need to try and get to my phone. I inconspicuously try to look for my cell phone. Dammit! I left it my room. I am screwed. I am dead. The pizza man will get blamed for this! Oh, the poor pizza boy will be wrongfully blamed and get life in prison for what this unstable bitch is going to do to me.
STAGE 4! BOX!
FUCK YEAH! They are boxing up my pizza. Get your ass over here!
She continues on for another 5 minutes. Trying to make eye contact, glancing at the pizza tracker every second she looks away.
Stage 5! DELIVERY: Alejandro is delivering your pizza.
GOD SPEED ALEJENDRO!!! MY LIFE AND YOUR FREEDOM RELY ON THIS!
Knowing that the Alejandro is on the way, I try and just keep her talking, but the more she talks the more enraged she gets. I try to interupt, but that just makes things worse.
It’s been 10 minutes, Alejandro should be here any time.
She continues, she is yelling at the top of her lungs about the things we could have been. I am still banking that Alejandro will be here any second and save the day.
10 more minutes go by.Alejandro GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!
SHE IS OFFICIALLY FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. She puts the knife up to her wrist and then takes it away. I am panicking. Where the fuck is Alejandro! Pizza tracker tells me we’re still in stage 5. FUCK YOU PIZZA TRACKER , YOU’VE BEEN IN STAGE 5 FOR 25 MINUTES!!!! I will never order from Domino’s again!!! After this thought I immediately think to myself, I will be dead, so I will probably never order another pizza again.
Right then, the cops come in. At gunpoint they calm her down and obtain the knife. Alejandro had shown up to the door wide open and saw psycho with the knife and went back to his ’98 Honda Accord and called the cops. Domino’s pizza literally saved my life. They should change the name from the pizza tracker to the savior tracker.
Alejandro is the true definition of a hero. In a way, Alejandro is the 5th ninja turtle. He showed up, accessed the situation, didn’t panic, and saved my ass from the bad guys. Oh yeah, and he brought a fucking excellent pizza too.

THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME THING I HAVE EVER READ POWER TO THE PIZZA
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shylocks: meladoodle: ahh yes.. sex with women.. im into it, i am so good at doing it.. i really love them and their sexy *quickly googles female anatomy* uteruses #sherlock talking to john about his relationship with janine (Source: meladoodle, via what-is-this-fruitsnackery)

shylocks:

meladoodle:

ahh yes.. sex with women.. im into it, i am so good at doing it.. i really love them and their sexy *quickly googles female anatomy* uteruses

(Source: meladoodle, via what-is-this-fruitsnackery)

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So I heard some of you want to know what I sleep in . the-internet-addict: watchtheskytonight: consulting-meerkat: timelordy-teganbreann: tea-and-tumblr: the-timelords-tardis: oprimer: hug-sensei: jaxtheripper13: Lets just say I go full COMMANDO ~ Hot Right ?  I love the men of Tumblr … Snuggle up with me, ladies. I Always Use Protection gfdchuijohgcfnxdcghvjbkn So we’re telling how we sleep?   Allow me to share… Wait, what?! OH MY HOW EMBARRASSING!   Never mind! JAMES GOD BLESS THE MEN OF TUMBLR IT’S BACK OH IT’S BACK AGAIN (via what-is-this-fruitsnackery)

So I heard some of you want to know what I sleep in .

the-internet-addict:

watchtheskytonight:

consulting-meerkat:

timelordy-teganbreann:

tea-and-tumblr:

the-timelords-tardis:

oprimer:

hug-sensei:

jaxtheripper13:

Lets just say I go full COMMANDO ~


image

image

image

image

image

image

image

Hot Right ? 

I love the men of Tumblr …

image

Snuggle up with me, ladies.

image

I

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Always

image

Use

image

Protection

gfdchuijohgcfnxdcghvjbkn

So we’re telling how we sleep?

image 

Allow me to share…

imageimage

Wait, what?!

imageimage

OH MY HOW EMBARRASSING!

 image

Never mind!

JAMES

GOD BLESS THE MEN OF TUMBLR

IT’S BACK

OH IT’S BACK AGAIN

(via what-is-this-fruitsnackery)

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